Leopold: Part Five Page 12
I’ve reached my suite, and the moment I get inside, I throw the files down on the sofa. Is this really it? Is this what the rest of my life will be like if I stay here with Elle?
I must admit, I’ve thought a lot about my future with her. And in those visions, I saw us here, in Montovia. Sure, I imagined we’d take regular trips around the world—there are still so many places I want to see, so many places I want to show her—but in the end, I always imagined we’d be back here. That we’d live here. Raise our children here.
If I have a seat on the Treasury Council…the here part wouldn’t change. But everything else would. I’d have daily responsibilities. Meetings to attend. Endless piles of papers to go through and infinite reports to prepare. And it’s hardly work I could blow off—we’re talking about the fate of this country, about the money of our citizens. I’d spend the rest of my life in an office poring over numbers. My life would be an endless stream of drudgery. I’d be trapped here.
Suddenly, the walls feel too close, the room suffocating. I turn and stride right back out the door. In less than five minutes I’m outside, moving quickly across the grounds, heading past the lawns and gardens away from the palace and the city. My chest is tight, my hands curled into fists, but I wait until I’m out of sight of the palace windows before breaking into a run.
I need to get out of here.
When I thought about a future with Elle, it was one of passion and joy—days of adventure by her side, nights of pleasure in our bed. I thought of the things I wanted to show her, the places I wanted to take her, the exciting life we might lead together. But I never thought of the other side—the price I might pay for that privilege.
My freedom. That’s what it all comes down to—I’ve set myself on a path to lose the very thing I treasured most. I had the freedom to go wherever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, see whatever I wanted. I had the freedom to follow my desires and pleasures. The freedom to take the world on my terms. Sure, my father sometimes tried to curb that behavior, but it was easy enough to ignore his orders. Then, I had nothing to lose.
Now I have everything to lose, and my father knows it. Worse, I know it. I know I want Elle, want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I’ve never really thought beyond that. Now I’m slowly realizing my father’s insistence that I take a role in this government isn’t the problem—it’s a symptom of a much larger problem.
Even if he doesn’t force me to take a job on the Treasury Council, I’m still losing my freedom. With commitments—even seemingly pleasurable commitments—come responsibilities. And not just easy ones like taking her desires into account or donating to the causes that she cares about—real, life-altering responsibilities. I’m not just committing to a life of pleasure with Elle. I’m committing to everything else. To giving up my freedom, the very thing I built my entire life on.
You love her, I remind myself. You love her more than anything.
But is that love enough to help me endure a life of mind-numbing work on the Treasury Council? Is it enough for me to give up the opportunity to ever make a decision truly for myself—and myself alone—ever again? Elle is my weakness—and if my father knows it, others will too. But when will it all become too much? When will I reach the limit of what I can endure for another night in her arms?
I’m at the farther end of the orchards now, far enough that no one in the palace can hear me when I lean my head back and yell up at the sky. I shout every curse word I can think of, in multiple languages. But it isn’t enough. My body still thrums with an energy that has nowhere to go.
I spin and march over to the nearest tree. Without stopping to think, I slam a fist into the trunk.
Pain shoots through my knuckles and up my arm, but I don’t care. I punch it again with my other fist. And again. And again, until I can feel the blood running down my fingers.
What are you doing? You love her. Think of how much you love her.
And I do—my feelings for Elle are warm and bright in my chest, but even they can’t erase the knot of dread in my gut, the heavy lump that seems to whisper, How far will it go? How much of this can you endure?
Not much. That’s the sad truth of the matter—nothing in this world terrifies me more than a life of mind-numbing boredom. I love Elle, but without my freedom, my life is worth very little to me. The future my father has planned for me would slowly eat away my soul and suck every bit of joy from my life. Sure, my feelings for Elle might get me through a few weeks or months of this, but I know myself. Over time, these chains will suffocate me.
Over time, even love might not be enough.
Leopold - Part Six will be available on October 18, 2016. Sign up for the Royal Heartbreakers Newsletter now for a reminder on release day.
Leopold
Part One (July 5, 2016)
Part Two (July 26, 2016)
Part Three (August 16, 2016)
Part Four (September 6, 2016)
Part Five (September 27, 2016)
Part Six (October 18, 2016) ~ Full-length novel
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All Parts are available for pre-order now
ANDREW - Part One will be available December 6, 2016
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