Leopold: Part Four Page 11

  He closes his eyes, not finishing his sentence. He just sits there, bent over with his hand resting on his forehead.

  I watch him for a few minutes, but he doesn’t move. He doesn’t offer anything else.

  My stomach twists with guilt again, seeing him like this. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I made too much of this, though I really don’t think so, especially considering my past experiences.

  I draw in a deep breath. Maybe it’s time to tell him—maybe it will help him at least see where I’m coming from. And it might be nice to have someone who knows the truth—someone besides Owen, anyway.

  “Leo…” My voice cracks and my heart begins racing in my chest again. “I’m sorry—”

  He sits up straight, shaking his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, Elle. I refuse to accept any apology. This is completely my doing and I’ll not have you taking any blame whatsoever—”

  I hold up my hand to stop him. “Let me finish. Please. You need to understand.” My eyes dart around the room and I’m trying to think of a way to say what needs saying without it coming out the way I’m almost sure it will.

  My gaze meets his again and he holds me in it for another moment. “Leo, I think I may have mentioned my last relationship—”

  He nods, interrupting. “Elle, you don’t need to tell me the details. Between what you’ve already said and what my investigators uncovered—”

  “Yes—I’m sure you already know the gory details of everything, Leo. But you need to let me finish.”

  He holds up his hands, nodding. “I’m sorry. Please—say whatever you need to say, Elle. I can take it. Whatever insults you need to throw at me—I deserve those and more.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not going to insult you. Not right now.” I have to draw in another breath. “It was a messy breakup. There was a wife I didn’t know about and a big scene—”

  “Elle…” He tilts his head and gives me the smallest of smiles. “I already know this. It makes no difference to me.”

  “I got fired from my job because of it, Leo. I know you already know that—I’m trying to tell you what happened after that. Why I went to Rio de Campo—”

  “Because you couldn’t obtain a job after the incident that happened. It’s perfectly understandable, Elle. In fact, I could share a few stories with you about scenes with my own former lovers. There was one night when I was in a club in Milan—”

  “Leo!” I let out a short breath in exasperation. “Let me finish.”

  He snaps his mouth closed and looks over at me with a frown. “I apologize. Please continue.”

  “Thank you.” My brow furrows and I have to draw in another long breath. I’m not sure I can tell this story after all—it isn’t mine to tell. Not exactly. But I’ve held it in long enough—and for all I know, I really am jumping him unknowingly in my sleep and I don’t want to wake up ever again thinking that he’s violating me somehow—especially if I really am the one to blame. If he knows my history, maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’ll back off a little, at least for now.

  “This is hard, Leo.” I frown again.

  “Take all the time you need.”

  I nod, pausing for another long moment. “Owen thought I would feel better if he fixed me up with someone. I mean, I don’t know what I was thinking, agreeing to that. I dated one of his buddies for a few weeks when I was in medical school. And Owen’s friends…”

  He nods. “I know. I’ve seen.”

  “Yeah.” I nod, too. “But he thought if I had a little fun—if I went out to dinner with someone. Took a surfing lesson or something… I don’t know. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. He was a guy Owen had been hanging around with for a few months. I hadn’t even met him before. It was just supposed to be a surfing lesson and dinner. Just fun…” My voice hitches in my throat a little.

  He frowns. “Elle…”

  I shake my head—try to shake off the feelings of humiliation that still come up when I think about it. “I don’t remember much of it, Leo. I thought we had fun when we were at the beach. I had a few glasses of wine with dinner and that’s the last thing I remember before I woke up naked in my bed the next day.”

  His jaw tightens. “He drugged you.”

  “I think so. I was too embarrassed to go to the emergency room to be tested for drugs in my system, considering what had happened at the hospital the week before. And I didn’t want to go out—I could barely drag myself out of bed.” I close my eyes for a moment before returning my gaze to his. “And Owen didn’t take it well, either.”

  He lifts a brow but says nothing.

  “There was an accident. Owen never said what happened, but the guy he fixed me up with… There was a surfing accident. And I’m not sure if you know anything about surfing, Leo, but those kinds of things don’t happen.”

  My breaths are coming a little too fast—I can’t believe I’m actually telling him this. “I found the job at your family’s clinic in Rio de Campo and they hired me on the spot. I don’t know for sure what Owen did, but I owed it to him to get him out of there. Whatever he did, he did for me. And I can’t believe I’m telling you this after what just happened. But…I think you needed to know. To understand why…why I might be a little more…delicate about…about things like obvious consent than some other girls you might have been with. And…and I’m sorry if I overreacted.”

  He shakes his head slowly. “I’ve already told you, Elle, there is no need for you to apologize for anything. If anyone should be apologizing, it is I—”

  “My head is fucked up, Leo. I’m not ever going to be right. Ever.”

  He only stares at me, not saying anything.

  “The best thing for me—for both of us—is for me to get off the plane in Lisbon. I’ll go back to the States—I’ll go to my interview in Oklahoma on Tuesday—and we can pretend none of this ever happened.”

  He’s silent for another moment, but his gaze never leaves mine. He finally lets out a long breath. “But that isn’t what I want, Elle. I…I still would like you to accompany me to Montovia to meet my family.”

  “I’m pretty sure my brother killed someone, Leo. Even if your family can get past my negative influence on you, I don’t think they’ll be able to get past that.”

  He’s silent for a moment. “I told you I’d hired the best investigators money could buy, Elle. There was no mention of anything untoward in your brother’s history. There is no reason for this information to be shared with anyone else. You’ve only shared it with me—”

  “And Matthias.” I lift a brow.

  He tilts his head. “I trust Matthias with my life on a daily basis, Elle. You have nothing to fear from him, I promise you.” He edges himself to the end of the bed, directly across from me. He looks into my eyes again. “What I said to you tonight—I meant. I still mean it. I love you, Elle. I can’t explain what’s going on any better than that. Bringing you home to meet my family has everything to do with my wish to show them how I feel about you. And there is very little you can do or say that will change that.”

  I search his eyes for a moment. “I’m broken, Leo.”

  He shakes his head. “You are nothing of the sort, Elle.”

  “You don’t understand—”

  “But I do. I understand that I love you. And that is really all that I need to know.”

  I can only shake my head, trying to force back the tears that are stinging at my eyes again.

  I’m not this girl. I’m not a woman who cries over feelings. And I’m not sure what’s happening here at all. I’m not sure how Leo can say the things he’s saying—especially after all the horrible things I’ve just said to him.

  “If you want to land in Lisbon, I’ll fly you home first class on the first flight back. You’ll never have to see me again.”

  “That isn’t true, though, Leo. I’ll see you every day. I’ll see you every time I close my eyes. I’ll see you every time I fall asleep. And that’s not even counting every time I’ll walk
into a patient’s room and see someone reading a magazine with you staring at me from the cover. I’m never going to be able to not see you again.”

  He shrugs. “Then I’ll stop going to Los Angeles. I’ll stop going to London. I’ll stop going anywhere there’s a single photographer around. If it will ease your mind, I’ll stay in the palace for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine I’ll ever want to go out into the world again, anyway, if you make the choice never to see me again.”

  “Don’t say things like that.”

  “I’m only speaking the truth, Elle. And I’ve already told you I can’t imagine my life without you. That hasn’t changed at all, and it won’t, no matter what you tell me.” He gazes into my eyes, and I can’t read exactly what’s behind them. “Come with me to Montovia. I know I’ve already begged you. I know I don’t deserve it. I just…I don’t want to return there without you.”

  My heart races a little too much at his words—his stupid charming eloquence that melts me every time he opens his mouth. I should be a lot angrier than I seem to be. But maybe it really was a misunderstanding. Maybe I was touching him in my sleep—that actually wouldn’t surprise me at all. And I can’t deny my attraction to him. My feelings for him. I’ve never been able to deny any of it when I’m honest with myself. And I really, really want to be honest with myself right now.

  I just hope he’s being honest with me—that there isn’t some ulterior motive for bringing me back to Montovia. I don’t know what his motivation is, but there’s definitely something more going on than he’s telling me.

  I gaze into his eyes for another long moment, almost hoping he’ll tell me something to help me know he’s not hiding anything.

  But he doesn’t say another word.

  I finally concede even though it’s definitely against my better judgment. “I wish I knew why I’m agreeing to this.”

  The tiniest smile forms on his lips. “I promise you won’t regret it, Elle.”

  Leo

  I spend the rest of the flight with a blanket on the floor.

  Elle takes the bed, but from the way she tosses and turns, I doubt she gets any more sleep than I do. I know I should be grateful she agreed to continue to Montovia with me, but instead, all I can feel is shame. If I had known, I never would have…wouldn’t have even considered…

  But it doesn’t matter. I should have controlled myself. When I think about her brother’s friend…

  Rage bubbles up inside of me. Perhaps it is for the best that the vile excuse for a human being met an unfortunate end. If Owen hadn’t—allegedly—made him disappear—I’d hunt down the bastard and kill him myself. Make him pay dearly for every bit of harm he committed against her. And while I was at it, I’d find that doctor, too. And her medical school instructor. And any other man who’d ever hurt her. I’d kill them all, to hell with the consequences.

  To know that she’s been through this, that she’s carried this with her all this time… My God, if I’d known…

  I rub my face. Perhaps I should have insisted she return to her home. I don’t deserve another chance, and after the things she’s already endured at the hands of men, I can’t bear to be the cause of any further pain. I want to protect her—bloody hell, I’ve never wanted to protect something so much in my entire life—but how can I do that when I can’t even exercise some simple self-control?

  I’ll never put her in that position again. I won’t even touch her at all unless she explicitly asks me first. It will be difficult, I know, but I need her to know she can trust me, that I’m not just here because I want to have sex with her. That she’s worth so much more than that.

  In my mind, I can still hear her words: I’m broken, Leo.

  As if the things she told me would change anything about my feelings for her. As if I’d think less of her for them. But somehow she believes that all of this makes her unworthy of love. That she isn’t enough as she is.

  I want her to see the truth. To know the truth, deep in her heart.

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here berating myself when Matthias comes in and alerts us that we’re starting the descent into the capital city of Montovia. I offer Elle the washroom first, and as she gets ready, I pull a fresh set of trousers and a pressed shirt from the closet. I look over at Matthias, who’s standing at the door to his private compartment, waiting for my orders.

  “When we land,” I say, “I want you to ensure there’s a separate bedroom prepared for Elle.” Originally, I’d hoped she’d stay in my suite with me, but I don’t want to make any assumptions anymore.

  “Of course, Your Highness.”

  He starts to turn away, but I call out, “Wait, Matthias.”

  “Yes, Your Highness?”

  I shift my weight, uncertain of how to proceed. I don’t usually feel the need to make explanations to Matthias about anything, but this is different.

  “I wanted to thank you for your concern before,” I say finally. “And for your offers of assistance to Elle.”

  Matthias’s face is blank as he straightens his shoulders. “Of course, Your Highness.”

  “I didn’t…” I rub the back of my neck. “I would never force myself upon a woman. It is important to me that you know that.”

  Matthias is silent for a long moment, but his eyes soften as he looks at me.

  “If I thought you capable of such a thing, Your Highness,” he says, “I would have left your employ long ago.”

  I nod, relief rushing through me. I’m not sure I realized before how much Matthias’s opinion means to me.

  “Then I’d like to request something of you,” I say. “From here forward, I’d like you to be honest with me about the way I handle things with Elle. I want to ensure I’m respectful of her in all matters. I want to… In truth, Matthias, I’ve never had a relationship like this before—but of course, you would know that better than anyone.” My face grows warm. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have no bloody idea what I’m doing, and I can’t even think straight around her, and I’m beginning to think I could use a little help with all of this. A lot of help, actually.” My God, I can’t believe I just admitted that out loud.

  Matthias looks just as stunned—and slightly amused. But he quickly hides his humor at my awkward plea beneath a mask of professionalism.

  “I’m here to offer my assistance to Your Highness in whatever way you require,” he says.

  “Then I ask for your honesty. Don’t be afraid to give me your genuine opinion about anything I—”

  The words freeze on my tongue at the click of the washroom door. I straighten my shoulders as Elle comes into the room. She seems to realize she’s interrupted something because her eyes dart between Matthias and me.

  But Matthias knows exactly what to do.

  “Of course, Your Highness,” he says quickly. “I’ll see to it right away.” He looks over at Elle. “May I assist you with anything, Doctor Parker?”

  She shakes her head. “No, thank you.”

  Matthias nods and returns to his room.

  That man deserves a raise. A very large raise, I think as I gather up my things. I can feel Elle’s eyes on me as I head toward the washroom.

  “If you’d like something to eat,” I tell her, “there’s still some fruit and cheese. And there’s coffee and tea as well.” If I hadn’t been so distracted, I’d have already put a kettle on. I’m going to need a lot of caffeine to make it through the rest of the day after the night we’ve had.

  I can hear Elle rummaging through the cupboard as I quickly dress, and the reality of our situation finally hits me—we’re minutes away from landing in Montovia, and I still don’t have a plan. I spent so much time last night berating myself for my behavior that I forgot to make any mental preparations for the challenges ahead. And there will be challenges. Of that, I am certain.

  I glance at my reflection in the mirror as I button up my shirt. I look exhausted. I feel exhausted. But I’ve survived on little sleep before—this cert
ainly isn’t the first time I’ve been awake all night—and I’ll have to make this work. For Elle’s sake.

  I lean over and splash water on my face. This is your only chance to show her your home. To show her another side of you. Don’t let it slip through your fingers.

  By the time I emerge from the washroom, I’m starting to feel hopeful again. I can manage my family. I can show Elle the truth about me. I just need to stay focused.

  As Elle and I buckle into our seats for the landing, I start to reach out for her hand—then remember at the last moment how I’ve promised myself I won’t touch her again until she asks.

  Instead, I look over at her and ask, “Are you ready?”

  She looks down at her lap before answering. “I don’t know.”

  “You’re my guest,” I remind her. “If you need anything while you are here, you only have to ask.” I tilt my head and look out the window at the approaching land. “You’re going to love Montovia. I just know you are.”

  She doesn’t say anything, but when I turn my head, I find her looking out the window, too.

  When we finally land, my entire body is buzzing with energy. I’m not sure whether it’s nerves or excitement, but either way, I’m up out of my seat before the plane even comes to a complete stop. It feels like an eternity before we’re finally able to disembark.

  “Welcome to Montovia,” I tell Elle with a grin as I swing the door open.

  We couldn’t have picked a more beautiful day to arrive. The sky is bright blue—there isn’t a cloud in sight—and a light breeze swirls around us as we descend the steps onto the private runway behind the palace. The air smells deeply of summer, and the scents of my family’s extensive gardens surround us on every side.

  I glance back at Elle. She’s looking around, taking everything in with that wide-eyed, inquisitive gaze of hers. And she hasn’t even begun to see what Montovia has to offer.

  “This way,” I say. In my excitement, I nearly forget myself and press a hand to the small of her back, but at the last second, I stop myself, gesturing instead. “Come around to the other side of the plane.”